'You're too picky.'
What single person hasn't heard that before? People are quick to accuse you of being super-selective if you're less than snappy about getting ourselves hitched.
But let's be honest, most of us are picky. And is there really such a thing as being too picky? What do people expect? 'Well, you're not exactly what I'm looking for, but I guess you'll do.'How appealing.
We all have a list when it comes to whom we're attracted to. And, again, let's be honest many of the items on the list are physical. I hate to admit it, but I always had a hard time with men who were shorter than I was.
Which is why it's good to also have a few non-physical traits on the list, just in case you want to have the occasional conversation with the people with whom you hook up. For instance, I had other things like a sense of humour and gracious spirit on my list. As a result, I went out with some funny, kind short men.
Ultimately, you have to decide what you can and can't live with. If she's gotta be blonde and thin, that's your thing. Don't apologize for it. But if you're frustrated because you're not finding blonde, thin women, that's a problem. You might try adding a few other items to the list.
As a friend once said to me, 'It used to be that anybody with a pulse could ask me out and I'd say yes. Now, he has to have a pulse but he has to have some other stuff going on too.'
It's true that, as we get older, we have a better idea of what we want (theoretically anyway) and get even pickier. Chances are, you've dated enough people to know what you like and don't like and aren't interested in wasting your time on people you know you won't want to spend time a lot of with. If that makes you picky, well, so what, right?
Of course, sometimes what we think we want isn't necessarily the best thing for us. Sometimes, the initial chemistry is so overwhelming and our list suddenly gets a little more flexible than it should. 'Did I say I'd never date someone who tortures small animals? What was I thinking? This guy's perfect for me. I'm sure the animals deserved it.'
I can't tell you the number of friends who end up with people they never thought they would end up with. And many a time I've heard someone rattle off a list, only to sit down with them one-on-one to find out that what they're actually looking for is totally at odds with their list. So, it may not be that you're picky, it may just be time to revisit your 'list.'
Try this exercise:
* Write down everything you could possibly fantasize about an ideal partner.
* Go through you list and whittle it down to your non-negotiables. With each quality on the list, ask yourself, would I rather stay single than be with someone who doesn't have this quality. If the answer is 'no,' strike it off the list (maybe he doesn't absolutely have to love Neapolitan Mastiffs, liking animals in general might do).
* You should now have a short, hardcore list of important qualities you're looking for in a mate. Memorize it and leave it at home. That way you won't be tempted to pull it out and check off items when you're out on a date with someone new. And you'll be able to keep your wits about you when that hunk of a guy who is suddenly making your knees melt kicks your dog
