What is gender superiority? Should I exist? Do women have to fight for equality( in some extreme case by some people, to be superior)? Why cant men and women share their advantages and disadvantages for the good of mankind? By how much is our inner consciousness in line with patriarchy? I have always known the good of women but never has this light been shed on this. We, both men and women, need women for our every existence and survival. It has become the most simple rule of survival today, just like biology will tell you basic survival instinct: Survival of the fittest. Who is the fittest?
A woman provides essentials and attempts to resolving problems.She is psychologically satisfying. Setbacks ensues from the mismanagement of her gifts and failing to cultivate the mother within. Deeply rooted in Chinua Achebe's novel, " THINGS FALL APART", (which I am acting a play on. Oct 2nd at Kailash Mital Theatre, 6PM), I have come to realize something. WE NEED WOMEN MORE THAN WE ACT LIKE WE DO.
Okonkwo, both macho and sexist, is permanently in a state of denial about his feminine side, even as he unconsciously searches for his alien mother. Substituting his favourite daughter for her as a palliative, he finally thrives when he finds the maternal source: when circumstances force him to live with his mother's relations. Remember these lines from the book or except to hear it in the forthcoming play: " A man belongs to his fatherland when things are good and life is sweet. But when there is sorrow and unhappiness, he finds solace or refuge in his motherland. Your mother is there to protect you". Why is it that when a child gets beaten by his father, he runs to his mother's arms? Why? Once Okonkwo abandons his motherland and journeys back to his fatherland, his life takes a turn for the worse, ending his life tragically, after been confronted with the harsh face of colonialism, unprotected by the maternal principles. I believe that like Okonkwo, most men, no matter how macho we appear to be, are unconsciously waiting for women to release them from the trap of fatherland, the suicidal trappings holding them captive in their father's house. Even the legendary tortoise, in dire straits, always finds a way out of his dilemma. The men have turned turtle, they need the maternal principle to help to turn them back up, to reinstate them, so that all can act concertedly for the progress of mankind. Now even for those who believe in "juju" or as some will call it, "african magic", it reflects the ethics of dependency-the belief that the all-powerful mother, with her supernatural juju, will make everything all right. This cannot more be echoed than when I cast a female for Okagbue in the upcoming play, or the naming of Ezeani, the goddess of the soil in the book. How coincidental. To therefore accomplish this feat, women need extra empowerment. Where best does this empowerment come from, if not from men who run to them in times of weakness? Even more sadly for the majority is that women rarely question female self-effacement, accepting the idea that men should be supported for the commonweal. The lesson that needs to be passed on is that a strong community is born only when support is mutual, and strong women are not chased to the periphery. I think in truth, men fear the secret ways women manage to survive in spite of great hardships. This is a gift they are naturally endowed with and we all must come to realize this. Women must come to appreciate this and men must understand this, knowing well that in times of good, remember to see the good in a woman so you can run into her bossom when times are bad. Even in literary terms, or with the present day, the most hardcore male or bonafide player, who is untouched by the inner feelings of emotions from a female ( otherwise too), will always have his masculinity dampened by what most call "woman like nature". Yes, I know what I am saying. Moments of teardrops, flashes of romantic episodes, inklings of a females influence on your being. We all must learn to see the light cast by womanhood. We all must love women for all they are, for even in the darkest moments, they are capable of good. It is their most basic instinct.
Inspiration from the following:
AFRICAN WOMAN PALAVA by Ogunyemi Chikwenye
THINGS FALL APART by Chinua Achebe
A poster at the CUSA office: A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN HER STUDENT UNION
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last
I would very much like to see people work things out, if they can. I have come to realize that if couples try one or more of the following 9 suggestions, they may be able to keep their relationship from hitting the rocks in the first place.
1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.
2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.
3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.
4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.
5. Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.
6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.
7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.
8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.
9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year, it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.
1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.
2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.
3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.
4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.
5. Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.
6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.
7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.
8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.
9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year, it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.
Monday, August 24, 2009
My interview with WORDSONTHESTREET
WOTS: Nice to finally get a chance to speak with you.
SO: Its a pleasure. You make me feel so hard to reach.
WOTS: What exactly are you trying to do?
SO: THINGS FALL APART, a book widely read around the world is what we are cooking in the kitchen[laughs]...This play is been billed to show in September at Carleton University's Kilash Mittal Theatre, a 444 human capacity space. We plan to bring up different attributes of old culture, and set up various themes in the light you have never seen them before...Masculinity, faith, culture, Appearance vs. Reality, religion, and so many more...Chauvinism and the list continues...
WOTS: I see you have something really big planned for us.Did you tell me earlier that you did not have full details for potential viewers about the play?
SO: Yes, when this idea came to me in April, I had decided I would start working on it in May, once exams were done as I still a student. May came and I never got to it, due to circumstances beyond my control. By June, I had started to hold auditions, work on the script and all that...This delay caused me to have to move my Original premiere date of September 19th to an unknown future date as I do not plan to bring a play that is not fully ready. Fully ready means acting performed to excellence, lighting and sound, costumes, props and all other details must be on point before I showcase to the world.
WOTS: I heard Chinua Achebe is coming to the play?
SO: In truth, I cannot confirm that yet. We have contacted him and once we reach an agreement or non agreement, I would let you know. I do not want to raise anyone's hope.
WOTS: I see you have this all figured out. I am so excited and cannot wait to see this play. I would definitely make the trip down to Ottawa to see it. Any last words for now?
SO: First of all, I want to thank God for giving me the grace to be alive and healthy. Also thank him for this idea and the people he has been putting my way to be a part of the play, my cast and production crew..Wuyi, Jeti, Chioma, Karen and so many more...Constantly visit our website as we would be updating it with details as soon as we get them. it is http://thingsfallapart09.weebly.com/. Thank you very much for reaching out to me and I am sorry it was so difficult to set the time out for this interview.
WOTS: It is a honour and we are proud to be the first to hear from you on this. Have a great day
SO: Its a pleasure. You make me feel so hard to reach.
WOTS: What exactly are you trying to do?
SO: THINGS FALL APART, a book widely read around the world is what we are cooking in the kitchen[laughs]...This play is been billed to show in September at Carleton University's Kilash Mittal Theatre, a 444 human capacity space. We plan to bring up different attributes of old culture, and set up various themes in the light you have never seen them before...Masculinity, faith, culture, Appearance vs. Reality, religion, and so many more...Chauvinism and the list continues...
WOTS: I see you have something really big planned for us.Did you tell me earlier that you did not have full details for potential viewers about the play?
SO: Yes, when this idea came to me in April, I had decided I would start working on it in May, once exams were done as I still a student. May came and I never got to it, due to circumstances beyond my control. By June, I had started to hold auditions, work on the script and all that...This delay caused me to have to move my Original premiere date of September 19th to an unknown future date as I do not plan to bring a play that is not fully ready. Fully ready means acting performed to excellence, lighting and sound, costumes, props and all other details must be on point before I showcase to the world.
WOTS: I heard Chinua Achebe is coming to the play?
SO: In truth, I cannot confirm that yet. We have contacted him and once we reach an agreement or non agreement, I would let you know. I do not want to raise anyone's hope.
WOTS: I see you have this all figured out. I am so excited and cannot wait to see this play. I would definitely make the trip down to Ottawa to see it. Any last words for now?
SO: First of all, I want to thank God for giving me the grace to be alive and healthy. Also thank him for this idea and the people he has been putting my way to be a part of the play, my cast and production crew..Wuyi, Jeti, Chioma, Karen and so many more...Constantly visit our website as we would be updating it with details as soon as we get them. it is http://thingsfallapart09.weebly.com/. Thank you very much for reaching out to me and I am sorry it was so difficult to set the time out for this interview.
WOTS: It is a honour and we are proud to be the first to hear from you on this. Have a great day
Friday, August 21, 2009
CBN releases list of banks' huge debtors
LATE last night, the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) made good the promise by its Governor, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi to publish the list of those who are indebted to the five banks, whose management were last Friday dissolved by the CBN.
Topping the list of the mega bad debtors is Ascot Offshore Nigeria Limited, which has N44.67 billion loan burden with Intercontinental Bank Plc. Its directors were named as Joey Chuma Obue, Samuel Aikhionbare, Henry Imasekha and Emmanuel Nwachukwu.
Also, Rockson Engineering Limited, with Mr. J.I.A Arumemi-Ikhide, owner of Arik Air and Mrs. Mary E. Arumemi-Ikhide as directors, is owing the same bank N36.99 billion.
Notore Chemical Industries Limited being operated by Onajite Okoloko was listed as owing Oceanic Bank N32.39 billion, secured from Oceanic Bank, while the troubled Transnational Corporation Plc has N30.86 billion to pay Union Bank, with Dr. Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke listed as its director.
Falcon Securities Limited, with Peter Ololo, Simbabe Joseph and Emmanuel Ugbo as directors, is owing Afribank N29.5 billion. The company is again owing Oceanic Bank N22.26 billion. Also, Rahamaniyya Global Resources Limited, owned by Abdul Rahaman Musa Bashir has a non-performing loan of N28.59 billion with Oceanic Bank.
Mid-Western Oil and Gas Company Plc, owned by Onijite Okoloko and Adams Okonen has N23.86 billion to pay Oceanic Bank.
Surprisingly, Mr. Aigboje Aig-Imoukhuede and Mr. Herbert Wigwe, managing director and deputy managing director of Access Bank Plc, respectively, are owing Intercontinental Bank N16.25 billion, through their company - United Alliance Company of Nigeria Plc.
Other top bad debtors listed by CBN include Mr. Femi Otedola, N12.8 billion (Intercontinental Bank) through his company, African Petroleum Plc and another N6.2 billion is owed Union Bank through his Zenon Oil; Mr. Oba Otudeko, immediate past president of Nigerian Stock Exchange, (NSE), N1.6 billion (Oceanic Bank) through Honeywell Group; and Mr. Jimoh Ibrahim, N14.78 billion (Oceanic Bank), through Global Fleet Industries Limited.
Forbe's rated richest man in Nigeria and NSE president, Alhaji Aliko Dangote also has a non-performing loan of N2.5 billion to clear with Oceanic Bank, secured through Dangote Industries Limited.
Prince Fredrick Akinruntan, owner of Obat Oil and Petroleum Company was also listed to be owing Oceanic Bank N4.47 billion.
On the whole, over N746.19 billion non-performing loans were recorded against the mega debtors in the five banks.
With N278.20 billion, Oceanic Bank recorded the highest volume of the non-performing loans, followed by Intercontinental Bank with N210.9 billion.
Afribank is being owed N141.86 billion; Union Bank N73.58 billion; and Finbank N42.45 billion.
CBN, in the advertorial, described the debtors as the largest and vowed to continue publishing the list of the defaulters on an on-going basis.
The apex bank said: "Following the recent regulatory action of the Central Bank of Nigeria on the five banks, it has become necessary to use this medium to request the following defaulting customers of the affected banks to pay without further delay, their indebtedness, failing which the banks will take appropriate legal actions to ensure repayment.
Topping the list of the mega bad debtors is Ascot Offshore Nigeria Limited, which has N44.67 billion loan burden with Intercontinental Bank Plc. Its directors were named as Joey Chuma Obue, Samuel Aikhionbare, Henry Imasekha and Emmanuel Nwachukwu.
Also, Rockson Engineering Limited, with Mr. J.I.A Arumemi-Ikhide, owner of Arik Air and Mrs. Mary E. Arumemi-Ikhide as directors, is owing the same bank N36.99 billion.
Notore Chemical Industries Limited being operated by Onajite Okoloko was listed as owing Oceanic Bank N32.39 billion, secured from Oceanic Bank, while the troubled Transnational Corporation Plc has N30.86 billion to pay Union Bank, with Dr. Ndi Okereke-Onyiuke listed as its director.
Falcon Securities Limited, with Peter Ololo, Simbabe Joseph and Emmanuel Ugbo as directors, is owing Afribank N29.5 billion. The company is again owing Oceanic Bank N22.26 billion. Also, Rahamaniyya Global Resources Limited, owned by Abdul Rahaman Musa Bashir has a non-performing loan of N28.59 billion with Oceanic Bank.
Mid-Western Oil and Gas Company Plc, owned by Onijite Okoloko and Adams Okonen has N23.86 billion to pay Oceanic Bank.
Surprisingly, Mr. Aigboje Aig-Imoukhuede and Mr. Herbert Wigwe, managing director and deputy managing director of Access Bank Plc, respectively, are owing Intercontinental Bank N16.25 billion, through their company - United Alliance Company of Nigeria Plc.
Other top bad debtors listed by CBN include Mr. Femi Otedola, N12.8 billion (Intercontinental Bank) through his company, African Petroleum Plc and another N6.2 billion is owed Union Bank through his Zenon Oil; Mr. Oba Otudeko, immediate past president of Nigerian Stock Exchange, (NSE), N1.6 billion (Oceanic Bank) through Honeywell Group; and Mr. Jimoh Ibrahim, N14.78 billion (Oceanic Bank), through Global Fleet Industries Limited.
Forbe's rated richest man in Nigeria and NSE president, Alhaji Aliko Dangote also has a non-performing loan of N2.5 billion to clear with Oceanic Bank, secured through Dangote Industries Limited.
Prince Fredrick Akinruntan, owner of Obat Oil and Petroleum Company was also listed to be owing Oceanic Bank N4.47 billion.
On the whole, over N746.19 billion non-performing loans were recorded against the mega debtors in the five banks.
With N278.20 billion, Oceanic Bank recorded the highest volume of the non-performing loans, followed by Intercontinental Bank with N210.9 billion.
Afribank is being owed N141.86 billion; Union Bank N73.58 billion; and Finbank N42.45 billion.
CBN, in the advertorial, described the debtors as the largest and vowed to continue publishing the list of the defaulters on an on-going basis.
The apex bank said: "Following the recent regulatory action of the Central Bank of Nigeria on the five banks, it has become necessary to use this medium to request the following defaulting customers of the affected banks to pay without further delay, their indebtedness, failing which the banks will take appropriate legal actions to ensure repayment.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
Why is it so difficult for us to accept responsibility for our actions? There is a story of two parents with two children who attended 5 schools before 10th grade all within a 20 mile radius all because they claimed the schools were horrible and the teachers showed favoritism. At what point would these parents accept responsibility for their children's involvement in the problems they experienced?
We all like to feel important and have others have a high opinion of us. Some more than others develop an over-inflated view of themselves. These tendencies act to wrap us in what many call "denial", which creates a false perception of self and the inability to accept the truth about us. It then becomes painful to accept that mistakes are possible and when they do occur the first reaction is to point the finger at someone else. We refuse to think objectively and accept any involvement for our actions.
The inability to accept responsibility for our actions and behaviors is a result of insecurity. By accepting responsibility one feels they are admitting to being weak, powerless, or an opportunity to lose the respect of others. It may cause one to feel they will lose their sense of value and importance.
On the contrary, accepting responsibility earns you respect. We can't be perfect all the time, we all make mistakes. When we accept responsibility we are accepting the blame for our actions and also accepting the responsibility for making improvements in our lives. Accepting responsibility is a measure of one's self-worth, their level of security, and the true sign of strength and courage. It will empower you to grow in ways that would bring you great rewards and accomplishments in your life.
Who would you have greater respect for, a person who takes responsibility for his/her actions, owns up to it and promises to do better in the future, or someone who perpetually denies any involvement in situations when it's obvious they may be responsible?
Accepting responsibility is a sign of personal growth and maturity. It is definitely not a sign of weakness.
The Consequences for Not Taking Responsibility
When you fail to accept personal responsibility for your actions there are a series of events that follow over time. The consequences do not necessarily promote goal achievement and success in life. The signals you send to the subconscious can come back to sabotage your progress.
One of the negative consequences that follow is an exaggerated sense of self that makes it difficult to get along with others. You then run the risk of becoming involved in conflicting situations and becoming more critical of others. Because your perception of your importance is exaggerated, your expectation of others is unrealistic and you become impatient, intolerant, and demanding. With this attitude, you act as a repellant to others, finding it difficult to gain their cooperation. Your relationships can suffer and before long very few people would want to be around you.
When taking responsibility for your actions is difficult to accept, you experience frequent feelings of insecurity. These insecurities can trigger doubt about your own abilities, which undermines your self-confidence. In this state of mind you have a high need to be right at all times to compensate for what you feel you are lacking. You defend your every action, right or wrong. It compounds the already existing problem of being unable to accept personal responsibility and reinforces this behavior even more.
Once this habit of refusing to accept personal responsibility is maintained, your character can become slowly transformed. You may tend to become someone who is irresponsible, a quitter, reliant on others, disturbed, unhappy, hopeless, angry, irrational, and defiant. These qualities are not success enhancers. They can eat away at your ability to achieve your best.
Examine your life today. Are you able to accept responsibility for your actions?
Causes for Inability to Accept Personal Responsibility
There are many people who develop this tendency to be unable to accept personal responsibility for their actions. Let's look in more detail some of the causes of one's inability to adopt this characteristic.
1. Feelings of Insecurity. - There are some folks who may have been raised in a very chaotic environment where they were constantly put down, yelled at, or emotionally abused. There are some who grew up in an underprivileged environment and grew up with feelings of inferiority or were raised by parents who carried feelings of inferiority. Someone who didn't receive much attention, positive reinforcement, or recognition growing up, always feeling overlooked. These conditions can cause a lack of confidence in their own abilities along with feelings of low self-esteem.
2. Arrogance.- People develop arrogance for several reasons. It could have been inherited - some folks know very little about humility. Others are so over confident that they become completely self-centered and see themselves as flawless and incapable of making mistakes. There are those who are so insecure that their arrogance is a way of compensating for their insecurities. They feel they must act superior or arrogant to others.
3. Prejudices.- Some people who feel victims of racial discrimination, intolerance, or narrow-mindedness, are always on guard or on edge. They feel unable to get the recognition they deserve and feel that others stand in their way of progress. This triggers feelings of insecurities that results of the inability to accept responsibility for their actions. They refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.
What I have identified are only some of the underlying reasons why some of us cannot accept responsibility for our behavior. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Is so, this doesn't make you a bad person. You should be congratulated for recognizing these characteristics in you. Now that you are aware the next step is to making a change in your life.
How to Take Responsibility for your actions
Stop and think back to the last time you accepted responsibility for something. Does it seem as if you have a difficult time doing it? By accepting that you do have a problem in this area and learning ways of taking responsibility for your actions, you are taking your life to a higher level of existence. You will find yourself feeling more vibrant and happier.
So how can you learn to take responsibility for your actions?
# Realize that you cannot place the blame on others for the choices you make. Be fair in your dealings.
# Understanding that it's ok to make mistakes. No one will think less of you. On the contrary you will earn the respect of others for admitting your errors.
# Seek to improve your self-esteem When your self-esteem is high, your self-perception and self-worth is so peaked that there's no need to pretend to be something you're not. There's no more need to feel sorry for yourself. There are no more feelings of inferiority. Admitting your poor judgment in a situation and taking responsibility comes easily.
# Build your self-confidence When you are confident in your abilities, you won't become defensive when you make a mistake. Owning your contribution to a situation and taking responsibility becomes natural.
# Giving of yourself in service to others, teachers empathy and compassion, characteristics that helps one to overcome self-centeredness.
# Learn ways to let go of fear. Fear can create insecurities.
# Acceptance of who you are. Learn to love yourself unconditionally and accept who you are.
# Learn how to see things objectively without bias and prejudice.
# Let go of bigotry.
# Let go of feelings of victimization. Learn to see yourself as a victor and not a victim.
# Develop your spiritual life. By adding a spiritual dimension to your life, it can help to bring more self-awareness.
Take your degree of success to a higher to level.
We all like to feel important and have others have a high opinion of us. Some more than others develop an over-inflated view of themselves. These tendencies act to wrap us in what many call "denial", which creates a false perception of self and the inability to accept the truth about us. It then becomes painful to accept that mistakes are possible and when they do occur the first reaction is to point the finger at someone else. We refuse to think objectively and accept any involvement for our actions.
The inability to accept responsibility for our actions and behaviors is a result of insecurity. By accepting responsibility one feels they are admitting to being weak, powerless, or an opportunity to lose the respect of others. It may cause one to feel they will lose their sense of value and importance.
On the contrary, accepting responsibility earns you respect. We can't be perfect all the time, we all make mistakes. When we accept responsibility we are accepting the blame for our actions and also accepting the responsibility for making improvements in our lives. Accepting responsibility is a measure of one's self-worth, their level of security, and the true sign of strength and courage. It will empower you to grow in ways that would bring you great rewards and accomplishments in your life.
Who would you have greater respect for, a person who takes responsibility for his/her actions, owns up to it and promises to do better in the future, or someone who perpetually denies any involvement in situations when it's obvious they may be responsible?
Accepting responsibility is a sign of personal growth and maturity. It is definitely not a sign of weakness.
The Consequences for Not Taking Responsibility
When you fail to accept personal responsibility for your actions there are a series of events that follow over time. The consequences do not necessarily promote goal achievement and success in life. The signals you send to the subconscious can come back to sabotage your progress.
One of the negative consequences that follow is an exaggerated sense of self that makes it difficult to get along with others. You then run the risk of becoming involved in conflicting situations and becoming more critical of others. Because your perception of your importance is exaggerated, your expectation of others is unrealistic and you become impatient, intolerant, and demanding. With this attitude, you act as a repellant to others, finding it difficult to gain their cooperation. Your relationships can suffer and before long very few people would want to be around you.
When taking responsibility for your actions is difficult to accept, you experience frequent feelings of insecurity. These insecurities can trigger doubt about your own abilities, which undermines your self-confidence. In this state of mind you have a high need to be right at all times to compensate for what you feel you are lacking. You defend your every action, right or wrong. It compounds the already existing problem of being unable to accept personal responsibility and reinforces this behavior even more.
Once this habit of refusing to accept personal responsibility is maintained, your character can become slowly transformed. You may tend to become someone who is irresponsible, a quitter, reliant on others, disturbed, unhappy, hopeless, angry, irrational, and defiant. These qualities are not success enhancers. They can eat away at your ability to achieve your best.
Examine your life today. Are you able to accept responsibility for your actions?
Causes for Inability to Accept Personal Responsibility
There are many people who develop this tendency to be unable to accept personal responsibility for their actions. Let's look in more detail some of the causes of one's inability to adopt this characteristic.
1. Feelings of Insecurity. - There are some folks who may have been raised in a very chaotic environment where they were constantly put down, yelled at, or emotionally abused. There are some who grew up in an underprivileged environment and grew up with feelings of inferiority or were raised by parents who carried feelings of inferiority. Someone who didn't receive much attention, positive reinforcement, or recognition growing up, always feeling overlooked. These conditions can cause a lack of confidence in their own abilities along with feelings of low self-esteem.
2. Arrogance.- People develop arrogance for several reasons. It could have been inherited - some folks know very little about humility. Others are so over confident that they become completely self-centered and see themselves as flawless and incapable of making mistakes. There are those who are so insecure that their arrogance is a way of compensating for their insecurities. They feel they must act superior or arrogant to others.
3. Prejudices.- Some people who feel victims of racial discrimination, intolerance, or narrow-mindedness, are always on guard or on edge. They feel unable to get the recognition they deserve and feel that others stand in their way of progress. This triggers feelings of insecurities that results of the inability to accept responsibility for their actions. They refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.
What I have identified are only some of the underlying reasons why some of us cannot accept responsibility for our behavior. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Is so, this doesn't make you a bad person. You should be congratulated for recognizing these characteristics in you. Now that you are aware the next step is to making a change in your life.
How to Take Responsibility for your actions
Stop and think back to the last time you accepted responsibility for something. Does it seem as if you have a difficult time doing it? By accepting that you do have a problem in this area and learning ways of taking responsibility for your actions, you are taking your life to a higher level of existence. You will find yourself feeling more vibrant and happier.
So how can you learn to take responsibility for your actions?
# Realize that you cannot place the blame on others for the choices you make. Be fair in your dealings.
# Understanding that it's ok to make mistakes. No one will think less of you. On the contrary you will earn the respect of others for admitting your errors.
# Seek to improve your self-esteem When your self-esteem is high, your self-perception and self-worth is so peaked that there's no need to pretend to be something you're not. There's no more need to feel sorry for yourself. There are no more feelings of inferiority. Admitting your poor judgment in a situation and taking responsibility comes easily.
# Build your self-confidence When you are confident in your abilities, you won't become defensive when you make a mistake. Owning your contribution to a situation and taking responsibility becomes natural.
# Giving of yourself in service to others, teachers empathy and compassion, characteristics that helps one to overcome self-centeredness.
# Learn ways to let go of fear. Fear can create insecurities.
# Acceptance of who you are. Learn to love yourself unconditionally and accept who you are.
# Learn how to see things objectively without bias and prejudice.
# Let go of bigotry.
# Let go of feelings of victimization. Learn to see yourself as a victor and not a victim.
# Develop your spiritual life. By adding a spiritual dimension to your life, it can help to bring more self-awareness.
Take your degree of success to a higher to level.
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